Chronic illness happens in one person's body. But the people around them often live with its consequences too.
Partners, parents and others close to them can gradually take on much of what the person who is ill can no longer manage. Someone still has to manage the household, children, finances, transport, appointments and everyday life. And on top of all this, they may also be directly helping the person who is ill.
But the practical responsibilities are only one part of the burden.
The other is far less visible.
It is difficult to watch someone we love suffer and know that we cannot make it better. To listen to their fears. To be beside them when their condition gets worse. To encourage them time and again when we no longer know what to say ourselves.
The person caring for someone else has limits too.
They can love someone immensely and at the same time be tired of caring for them. They may need a few hours in which they do not want to talk about illness. They may be angry, sad or exhausted.
And with these feelings often comes guilt.
How can I be tired when they are the one who is ill? How can I want a break? How can I be angry with someone who is not to blame for their illness?
Long-term illness can also change the relationship itself. A partner can gradually become a carer above all else. The parents of an adult child may once again take on responsibilities they thought they had left behind. The relationship between two people begins to revolve around the needs of the illness.
Caring for someone close does not mean that the carer has to disappear.
Their exhaustion does not diminish the suffering of the person who is ill. Their needs are not selfish simply because someone else has greater needs.
The illness may belong to one body, but more than one person carries its burden.
And the person on the other side also needs a space where they are allowed to say that it is hard.